I HAVE BOUGHT MY LOTTERY TICKET

TEARS FOR FEARS: Woman In Chains

[via FoxyTunes / Tears for Fears]

It’s ironic two years ago, I had to leave LEEDS because after my divorce my husband assaulted me again and I had to get an injunction out on him. After he actually broke the injunction three times I decided to leave LEEDS and move away I now live 70 miles away from LEEDS and that’s why I find it hard to help my son.

I left behind everything and took my youngest son with me. It has been hard for him too at 14 trying to adjust to a new area, a new school and make new friends but he’s been ok.

Last year I tried to have my son living with me who was abused, but after a suicide attempt and the depression both he and I decided it would be best for him to go back to LEEDS and live there. I did this for a number of reasons one was I live in a small village by the sea and they don’t have the resources here to help my son.

In a big City like Leeds, he can tap into all sorts of Groups and the Health service for help. Another reason was my youngest son was finding it hard also and I had to think of him too! He only had two more years at school and I needed to give him a childhood too. He was nine when his brother was abducted and I forget that he lived through it too. It’s strange the authorities never offered him or my eldest son any form of counselling or de briefing.

I am still shocked that the authorities and the powers that be, don’t know how to really deal with families that have been through what we have. There isn’t any help out there that the Government or the National Health Service provide. The only help are voluntary organisations and charities that you can never get through to, because of a number of reasons. The main reason is the Government, Even the Lottery Fund or Even Children in Need which is a joke don’t want to recognise there are thousands of People who have suffered Child abuse out there. Another is public awareness the public are just kept in the dark about child abuse its one of BRITAINS dirty little secrets and lets deny it happens, lets not talk about it and it never happens. What gets me too is I have never seen any Movies Star, Musician or any one in the MEDIA stand up for child abuse sufferers. Cancer awareness, HIV and all the other illnesses are supported by them but I have never seen one wear a T SHIRT saying stop child abuse. I have read books that they have written confessing they were abused but they never seem to stand up and shout STOP CHILD ABUSE and HELP THE CHILDREN AND FAMILIES WHO HAVE SUFFERED CHILD ABUSE.

Why is it britain's dirty little secret its all about awareness and giving information on how to watch out for it its like the GOVERNMENT are saying right we are spending X amount of money for sex abuse awareness and chasing paedophiles on line etc there fore it doesn't exist and we have done our jobs.

I get so angry and feel like screaming from the top of a building but does any one care? would anyone listen and does anyone ever help?

It's like there saying suffer in silence and it will go away and get on with your life ok you were abused so what!

I would like to know the Statistics if there are anyhow many sufferers of Child abuse are under the Mental Health or are Drug abuses or Alcoholics. I’m not saying some don’t make it to go on to lead Normal if I understand the word Normal lives. How many hide behind Jobs Families and Friends. How many out there have never spoke of it or had therapy or even just spoke to someone about it.

It’s strange I had two friends in LEEDS and when it happened there were there for me but I still had one of the greatest shocks I COULD EVER HAVE. These were two girlfriends that had never met each other. One I have known since 1990 and she had never told me anything about her childhood really but when I told her about my son she then told me she too had been abused as a child a neighbour who used to take her to the allotment as a child and abuse her in a shed. She had told her mother and her mother never believed her HE WAS NEVER BROUGHT TO JUSTICE. But she told me he still lives locally and she was once in Sainsbury’s and as she was walking down an isle he was pushing a trolley coming towards her and she froze.


The other friend told me that back in the early 1960s her mother used to sell her for 2 and 6 to men in her bed-sit she was about 8 years old. I was totally stunned about both these women I wondered if this had never happened to us would my two friends ever have told me? Is it true we keep it tight to our chests and only share it with people who can understand? Both these women had been my friends and I would have never have known yet they both chose to tell me when this tragic thing happened to us.

My son is supposed to have 24 hour care and he has told me he is leaving his fathers and the reason is he is fleeing violence. He has decided to go back into hospital for a while. I would like him to live with me again but how do I cope now he has admitted he’s a drug addict, how do I get the help out here he needs? How do I find services to help him when there aren’t any? Is it fair on my younger child to put him through it? I would do anything for my children but what do I do now. Can I cope with his volatile personality? His mood swings; depression threats of suicide and staying in bed all day and being up all night too put a strain on my financial resources too

My head spins with this everyday and I end up getting depressed and down thinking about it, worrying about it and not knowing the answers!

I think one of the reasons why my son is getting so agitated and the drugs and the alcohol is not just the HIV and the Leukaemia it’s the thought that the man that groomed him and the man that bought him are due up for parole again next year. RAYMOND COLIN HAWTHORN from Manchester. The man that bought my son was up for parole this year only a couple of months ago actually and his parole was denied. Another thing that shocked me was no one asked any of us for an impact statement to be read out at the parole hearing NOTHING! It just seems to happen without any input from the victims.

I received a phone call from probation services telling me the parole hearing was due. My son wasn’t informed as on the past 5 occasions one of these Paedophiles have been released my son was told then attempted suicide so we decided for his own safety for him not to be informed any more.

But next year when the hearing comes up again if they get released he may have to be told. One of his fears, nightmares is that when they do get out there going to come and find him?

I have tried to explain to him that they won’t and he is now at an age where I hate to say it he would be no good to them. Thinking he thought in his head they were going to abuse him again. But no he is worried they are going to seek out some vengeance on him for them being convicted.

I tried to assure him they wouldn’t and if anything happened the police would be rung straight away. He then told me that two men have already tried to take him away. I said what do you mean he said two men came in a car to LEEDS and grabbed him and put him in the back of a car and drove off with him. My son believed they were sent by Raymond Hawthorne or Nathan Eyre to take him back to Manchester. He said he managed to jump out of the car near LEEDS TRAIN STATION when the car stopped at the Traffic Lights and he ran.

I can’t believe this it is like being in a Movie or a Nightmare. I wish I could whisk my son up and take him to another country and start a new life. I pray every Saturday for my lottery Numbers and live in hope like 50 million other people in this country.

But there is one difference it could mean the difference between life or death or insanity for me and mine.