Posts
I awoke this morning about 5am after a night of tossing and turning and broken sleep my heart is sinking fast and I still feel numb I must keep my self-busy. I decided to go down stairs, feed the dogs and then opened my laptop and search for information on HIV my head was spinning two hours later I had another two hours to wait for the vets to open. The poor dog she needs help too maybe this will give me something to help me caring for the dog I need to focus on staying strong for my son. I arrived at the vets about 10am and came out £80 lighter on my credit card and 2 bags of medication.
I then drove to a ladies house who I had met at the car boot who had a tens machine for sale which I decided to purchase for £7 to help my own back pain but that's another story. I rang her on my mobile and she only 7 minutes away from the vets a lovely lady. She invited me in for a coffee and we ended up talking for hours she was amazing and had had an amazing life she had thousands of vinyl records in her house shed been collecting them since the 70s.
She told me she, had lived in Canada and the south of France and back in the 60s her friend owned the Penthouse in Scarborough and used to have parties where David Bowie and Brian ferry used to go she'd sat and drank with them and smoked joints with them I thought wow This again was another distraction trying to hold my self together you cant just come out to a complete strange and say I have just found out my son is HIV Positive its just not done. I enjoyed the escape but on leaving again my heart sank and felt guilty I had enjoyed her company.
I arrived home about two thirty I knew my son was at the hospital at one thirty with his dad I made a coffee and sat and waited for the phone call. I waited and waited and waited it got to about five o clock and I tried to ring the house my ex-husband answered the phone he told me yes its confirmed he has HIV he said they told him my son didn't need to start medication it could be five years before he needs it something about his CD4 count and when it gets low that's when they start him on medication.
I asked where my son was and how he was he replied he seems fine and he had gone to Megan's mums with her Megan is his best friend and she helps him when he's low. I told my husband I had informed my sons solicitor that he is HIV we then had another confrontation that I shouldn't have told him even my sons doctor doesn't have to know stupid stupid man. I put the receiver down and my son rang about ten minutes late and said mum did dad ring you I explained no my son told me his father left him in town and went straight to my sisters house and told her. GOD have you ever hated someone so much you want to explode, he had gone there before ringing me. As you have probably guessed by now the hatred for my ex-husband consumes me and makes me want to burst.
What kind of man doesn't ring the mother of her child that has just been diagnosed HIV Positive to let her know what is happening I think he thinks its a game and this is the only way he can hurt me and this is the only way he can hurt me through my children he is a small little man who I have nothing but contempt for and for this statement Maybe later all will be revealed? And maybe thrashing out like this will make me remember life is too short don't hate the man pity him a little voice keeps saying in my head. Use your energy on something positive but where is the positive and where do I find it in my life?.
No comments:
Post a Comment